It was in the 1969. I was 6. I didn’t know what gay was but I knew that I liked girls. I grew up knowing but did everything I could to hide and ignore how I felt. I dated guys but had secret crushes on girls. I got married when I was 21. We had two children. It’s 30 yrs later. I love my kids and my husband. I love my very conservative family. Yet I am gay and in love with another woman. But I can’t. I can’t hurt my family. I can’t risk losing my family. I can’t have her and she can’t have me. The heartache is so deep. This closet is so dark and small and suffocating. And I don’t know why it even matters.