My Sister

My sister was 4 years younger then me, I can remember the first time she Got into trouble , I can remember then 2nd time she got in trouble. I can remember just about every single time she did something, you see her trouble wasn’t small it always involved the police or it ruined a life event. My parents had to bail her out of jail to many times to count, The week I got married and once durning Christmas. Needless to say Christmas of 2012 was ruined. I got use to being put on the back burner. I was the (Good Child) Graudutaed College, Got married, had babies went to church, the normal adult stuff. My Husband I struggled to get by several times, and worked so hard for what we have. I sat an watched my parents bail my sister out time and time again, buying her cars giving her money to pay bills, pay huge court and attonery fees, all while my sister drank it away and popped pills. I tried so hard to keep a positive relationship with my sister. She knew that if she needed anything I was just a phone call away. I prayed for her daily. After awhile the pain and hurt and being constantly let down by her and my parents. I leaned how to turn my emotions off. I didn’t care anymore, I quit coming around, life was just easier that way. I finally Got my life long dream of bening a stay at home mom in November of 2013, It became my goal to be the best mother, sister and daughter I could be. Slowly my bond with my sister was coming around, I apologized for my anger and my bitterness toward them both. I tried!! we had some really good days, we shopped laughed had lunch together a lot. Things were looking up. My mom would ask me often, do you think that your sister has changed? My answer was always the same, I think she trying, but no I don’t think so. I just knew better, there were signs there were things that my mother refused to see. But I believe that she was trying the Only way she knew how. On March 29th 2014 my phone rang, my sister had died. The pain was unbearable, the crying was uncontroubale. My sister was gone at 29. She left behind a daughter and so many unanswered questions, Things that we are still sorting through. I never imagined my life as it is today, still picking up broken pieces that she left behind, dealing with broken hearted parents, trying to help raise a 7 year old who as seen unimaginable things. The pain and the hurt are still very real, But the ANGER is eating me alive. The anger is the secret that I’m dealing with, wanting so bad to let it all go, but trying to figure out how.

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