My Mom battles depression

A secret I’ve kept inside, even from my life long best friends and my husband, is that my mom battles depression. When I was in grade 3 she attempted suicide. I have no recollection of this happening, although I have many memories of living where we did when if happened. Apparently my sister and I went and stayed with our grandparents, but I don’t remember that at all. It’s like maybe I’ve blocked it out. I only know this because my mom spat it out in a fit of rage one day when I was in middle school.She was trying to use it as a means of sympathy for her. Which she is still very good at to this day. We have never spoken of it since, and I’m not even sure she remembers that she told me. She has taken anti-depresents in the past, but has not been on them for many years now. She is sad and angry at the world as truly believes nobody cares about her or loves her. I don’t know how to get her better, all I do is tip toe around any touchy subjects to not upset her. It’s not a secret though that she is sad. Everyone knows. But I don’t talk about it with anyone. I’m afraid she won’t grow old, she will do something stupid like she tried before. I’m scared for her, and I’m scared for my sisters. But I just don’t know what to do. I’m really afraid of having depression like she does, when I see behaviour in me that I know comes from her. I believe she’s the only one who can help herself although I would actually give anything to be able to help her.

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