Watching an illness damage my child’s brain and effect her daily is slowly ripping me heart apart. Everyday I worry about her never being able to be “normal” and I have immense fear of her not being safe. I worry something will happen to me and no one will take care of her. Most of all I worry she doesn’t even know I’m her mom. Devastation doesn’t begin to describe my sadness. I’m angry this happened to my baby girl. Now with baby number two I feel so confused on my emotions, am I worried she will have it and what that will do to our marriage and family or do I think she won’t have it and her sister will never get better. Fear consumes me. Fear gave me postpartum anxiety and crippled me. I need to find my strength. I pray God will help me find it.