I wish I was dead

I am struggling with severe depression. Most people don’t know because I am able to still go to work and at church I pretend everything is fine. But inside I am dying. I feel so alone and I hate my life. I feel guilty because I have so many blessings so I shouldn’t feel so depressed. I am scared I will spend the rest of my life alone. My whole life I have wanted to be a wife and a mother and I feel like God is punishing me or there is something wrong with me as to why I am still not married. I hate myself and so many nights I am praying, pleading with God to let me die. The only reason why I haven’t commited suicide is because I am afraid I will fail at that to. My secret is noone knows how much i am struggling or that I am suicidal.

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Comments

  1. says

    Sweet sister, please don’t despair! Know I, and others, are praying for you. I have dealt with depression and know what a confining prison it is. It is NOT a punishment, that is not who God is. God loves you with full measure, and His heart breaks with every suicidal thought you have. There is NOTHING wrong with you. Please seek help, because you are worth the fight! Beth Moore’s study Breaking Free was life changing for me in battling my depression. You are SO loved!

    • says

      @grace1001 Your secret has my name written all over it.

  2. says

    You are not alone. I am in the same situation.