Eating disorder realized

I have always (ALWAYS) felt fat, even after I lost over 80 pounds 10 years ago to get to a ‘healthy’ weight.
I can’t get the Voices in my head to stop screaming at me to not eat, or that I’ve eaten too much.
I come up with new ‘rules’ with what I will and will not eat and it seems to shut the Voices up for a while, but then They come back….louder than ever.
I can’t NOT eat because I do enjoy food, but if I eat three meals in a day, I feel fat.
I have started running more to justify being able to eat those three meals a day.
That’s not good enough for the Voices.
My husband tells me I have an eating disorder, and deep down, I know he’s right.
But in his attempts to help me (and I know he means well), he actually scolds me.
It makes me not want to tell him I know he’s right, because then I’m afraid he’ll get angry with me.
Him getting angry makes me defensive, and then the Voices drown me.
I can’t eat as much as I used to a month ago (which wasn’t tons anyway) because my stomach starts to hurt.
I don’t know who else to tell.
I don’t know how to start feeling better about myself.
I’m fine on the outside, but on the inside, I’m a tangled torn-up mess.
Help me.

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