Up until a year ago my husband and I never planned on having children. It would come up in conversation from time to time but neither of us explored it we just continued on talking and living. Then one day after having many days of mixed emotions I just said to my husband, I think I want to be a mom. We talked about it, cried a little and he said he felt the same way.
I have some lovely genetics that prevents us from just trying to get pregnant, instead we have now started to see a specialist and have lots of testing done before we can go ahead and start trying. This process started about 7.5 months ago and we are still in waiting game for all the results. This has definitely given us time to talk about different things, such as family involvement, in-laws and all that fun stuff. This has been great however I have many days where I’m like nope I’m not doing this, I don’t want to be pregnant, I don’t want to raise a child, and then other days where I just want to paint my whole house and get excited to do things with a baby (basically nesting). I have never doubted myself of being a good mom or my husband being a good dad, that I know we can do. I’m just terrified that I’m going to hate every minute of it. They say everything changes when your baby arrives and that might be so however it still scares the crap out of me that I might just hate it.
I have never been thin and in the last year and a half I’ve got my body to a place where I’m much more comfortable and now panic about what a pregnancy will do to all my hard work. I’m scared that I will regret bringing a child into our lives, or god for bid resent the child. I’ve never been one to long for the mommy days like my friends and sister have. They would say “I can’t wait to be a mom”, you never heard those words coming out of my mouth. But then there are so many moments where I think how much fun we would have with our baby and all the stuff we could take him or her to do and experience. I also get very emotional watching certain shows about families or reading blogs because part of me does long for that family. I think I’m scared now that I’m in love with the idea of having a family. Is this normal?